marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
