we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
