I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Randomize
