i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Randomize
