Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
