Your face is a jimmy john
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
