his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
