What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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