He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
