so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
