Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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