Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I just found puke in my bra..
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Randomize
