Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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