just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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