Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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