How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
you would pick up someone in the library
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
