Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Just high enough for therapy.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
