Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
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