im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
