so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
