My room smells like vodka and shame
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Randomize
