Well douche your snatch and let's go!
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
