i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Randomize
