If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize