Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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