3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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