Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
