; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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