Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
