I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
