Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
