if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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