i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
