So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
