You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Randomize
