He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Randomize
