He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
