I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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