Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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