Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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