watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
he thought i was a dude.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Randomize
