What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
