Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Randomize
