We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
