Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
