i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Randomize
