Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
