Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I just want to make out with him forever
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
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