Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
