I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Just high enough for therapy.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
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I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
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