some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
