There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
