Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Randomize