We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
