Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
why do cheetos always look like penises
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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