I am full of burrito and curiosity
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
