I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
