I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
