So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Someone shit on the floor
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
