if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Randomize
