Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
