The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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