the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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