so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
