My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
My bed smells like the plague
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
