cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
