Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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